How I Survive Long Haul Air Travel

Long haul air travel can be the biggest obstacle we face when embarking on a big international adventure.  When it comes to international travel, there are no “easy” flights for coach travelers – especially when you’re taking trans-oceanic and continental flights from the USA to places in Europe, Asia, or even destinations further afield – like Africa or Australasia.

For travelers like me, with a limited amount of vacation/PTO at my disposal, making the most of my time on the ground is of paramount importance.  So, whenever I get on a long haul flight to a distant part of the world, I like to make myself as prepared as possible to hit the ground running as soon as I touch down in my final destination.

I’ve been traveling solo internationally since I was about 16 years old, and have had some time to iron out kinks in my flight routine.  Here are the steps I follow to make sure I am comfortable and rested when I arrive at my final destination:

Clothing

• Rule of thumb is comfy, not schlubby.  This is the most important factor to consider when you are trying to have a positive flight experience (well, maybe second important, after drugs).  I have a standard set of clothes that I like to wear on planes that are my personal attempt to optimize both comfort and a baseline level of presentation.  Typically this means I wear my favorite jeans (I do not recommend pajamas, for reasons to follow), and a comfortable hoodie.  Both items of clothing I will no doubt be able to use on my trip, so I am not packing anything special just for my flight.  Don’t wear a belt, you’ll have to take it off in security.

  

• I also swear by Tom’s, which I also tend to use as house slippers in whatever destination I am traveling to.  No laces while traveling are key, also for security reasons.  If you have a special pair of comfort shoes that you plan on doubling as shoes to wear inside, make sure they are inside shoes ONLY.  In many cultures around the world it is taboo to wear outdoor shoes inside (duh).

  

•  I do not wear pajamas on planes because I am not a slob.  JK, I am a slob.  To be honest, I don’t wear them on planes because, well, would you wear pajamas on a public bus?  I contend that most folks would say no to this, and if you say yes, then maybe you shouldn’t be allowed to have nice things like international vacations.  Too many people use traveling as an excuse to be a horrible person – you’re not one of them, are you?

Personal care/hygiene

• My first rule of personal care products on planes is to make sure any product you are wearing is unscented.  As a person with a very sensitive nose, sitting next to someone drenched in cologne or perfume can cause serious issues.  I can handle smells when I’m in a place that is open and airy, but when you put a smelly cologne-laden individual in a tin box hurtling through the air, it’s not positive for anyone.  Use scentless products.
• Don’t skip deodorant, for any reason.  BO is as bad as axe body spray.  So terrible.  I’m looking at you, smelly coworker.  Now I’m as big of a hippie as the next guy, but this doesn’t mean skipping deodorant.  Use natural stuff, like Tom’s of Maine (UNSCENTED, of course) – but also realize that you have to reapply the hippy shit every few hours because it just doesn’t work like the stuff full of aluminum.
• You know what else?  You’re on a long flight – you should treat yourself!  I like to bring lotion face masks on flights to help keep my skin moisturized.  There is nothing like recycled air to irritate the crap out of my skin, and slathering lotion on my face and hands and whatever else exposed skin I have makes me feel like I’m a human being on a long flight.  I also like to pretend like I’m fancy from time to time, and fancy lotions help in the role play.

  

Drugs/Booze

• Here’s the good stuff.  Do you have anxiety?  You should probably talk to your doctor before you leave about it and have them prescribe you some pills (any kind, so long as they make you sleep).  When you get on the plane, take one or two, depending on how you answer the next question:
• Do you drink?  If yes, take one pill, and ask your kindly flight attendant for a mini bottle of wine.  If no, take two.  I have never been able to sleep on a plane, and on our last trip home from the Caucasus – which involved a 36 hour travel day, including three flights, a stress fracture in my foot, and a wheelchair ride in the Houston airport pushed by someone I’m SURE wanted to kill me and wear my skin as a suit – it worked like a damn charm.
• If you’re a teetotaler, then, well, this whole section didn’t apply to you, and I’m sorry you feel the need to punish yourself with so many hours of full consciousness while hurtling toward certain death at 500mph.

Logistics

• Get your shit together.    Make sure your passport is in a special place and you know where it is.  Pack a pen so that when the flight attendants pass out immigration forms you don’t have to use one of the three they have circling the 747.  Even better, get a travel folio where you can keep your passport, boarding passes, pen, and any other important documents for your trip.  Don’t keep all of your stuff in there, only what you need for your day of transit.  And once you arrive at your final destination, keep that stuff in a safe place (like, locked up, especially if you’re in a hostel), and only travel with a copy of your passport and some of your money.

Food/Drink

• Same rules for hygiene apply here. Nothing smelly.  I like to bring an innocuous sandwich of some kind, and several prepackaged snack foods (almonds, dried fruit, gummy anything), some savory and some sweet.  Personally, I turn into a vacuum when on a plane, and can’t eat enough, so what I do bring I like to be moderately healthy.
• Also bring an empty water bottle that your flight attendant can fill up for you.  Traveling can dehydrate you in a heartbeat (especially if you follow my recommendations set out in #3), so drinking lots of water is important.  It will also help you stave off illness from the bacteria you are breathing from that asshole coughing in the row behind you.

Movies

• Always watch “Avatar.“  No, seriously.  I firmly believe that “Avatar” was made for long haul air travel: it’s really freaking long, has lots of great CGI and explosions, does not require deep thought, and has a resolution.  Perfect.  I also think that James Cameron has sold it to all the major airlines because I have yet to fly over ten hours without it being preloaded on the plane’s entertainment system.  I think plane movies should be long, so that when they’re finished there is a tangible feeling of a significant portion of the flight passed.  They should also be entertaining without requiring thought – hence the need for explosions and/or CGI.

  

• Nothing sad.  On my most recent trip to Istanbul (via Frankfurt, natch), I made the mistake of watching Hachiko: A Dog’s Story.  And let me tell you, there is nothing like bawling on a full plane of stone-faced strangers (friends you haven’t met –that is, until they’ve seen you completely emotionally unhinged!)
• Noise cancelling headphones!  I have not used these yet, but have purchased some for my honeymoon!  I will report back to tell you how fancy I am.

  

There you have it.  It’s not a perfect science, but pretty close.  One final general rule that doesn’t fit into the buckets listed above is to be seriously kind and courteous to everyone you meet that works for the airlines – they deal with some serious assholes on a daily basis.  Seriously, it’s really easy to want to be a big grown up baby when you’re trapped in a metal box for hours or days on end, so be the nice person.  Also, you never know when they may have an upgrade to hand out – and you can bet that when they do, it’s going to be the courteous respectful person who said his pleases and thank you’s rather than the dick who demanded an exit row seat.